Sober Only in His Dreams

Sort of a rejoinder to the article below (The Pinoy's Ingenuity), although only a bit related, I'd like to share this experience I had with a very close acquaintance who just couldn't pronounce some words right. His name is Jonas, our barkada's "Man Friday." I swear that if anyone gets to know this guy, his life would never be the same again; either you love him or you hate him. Though more often than not, you'll love him.

Well, it all started when Andrei introduced the guy to us more than a decade ago, and everything since then was all bags of fun, laughter, and loads of headaches (know more on this guy on his Friendster account).

Anyway, although this guy is plagued with physical attributes such as loss of both of his front teeth (one fell off due to infrequent brushing, while the other one because of a right hook by Andrei during an altercation) and an unusual chin that makes him look like Dondon Ampalayo (a Philippine basketball superstar during the eighties), what he lacks in the physical department, he compensates in wit and, on some occasions, humor.

A very dependable guy during out-of-town trips (like I said, Man Friday), he often makes sojourns memorable by way of his patented antics and lousy footing. Add to the perpetually present Tanduay bottle in hand, and you get a dose of that ever-annoying breath of an alcoholic. I guess that is why he is always there with us: he is a drinker; and drinkers are always welcome with the boys. But if you're not the type with the characteristics mentioned forget it. One Jonas is enough anyway.

In all those years -- especially during Holy Week -- he has gained that respect of being our ever-loyal and glorified waterboy. Trips with him through the years worth mentioning are: Tali Beach '93 & '94 (he wore his grandpas' underwear as a swimsuit on that trip and imitated Ralph Macchio's character on the Karate Kid as, well, the Karate Kid in front of a group of chicks), Mount Famy '96, Puerto Galera '01 & '02. I heard he performed well in Boracay with the Lost Boys and of course the Tioseco Baguio vacation. I think on that Baguio trip he got so inebriated he punched the manager of the joint they visited, on their first night there!

If he ever has kids in the future and his kids spawn dozens more, they will never believe Lolo Jonas' "Escapades." Even if he kept a diary. But it's just too late for that diary.

A Manila Boat Club habitue, Jonas would be the one to open drinks for guests, especially for those girls who end up falling terribly in hate after they realize Jonas only did the service only for some vested interest, hence the equation: Jonas' service = disservice (both for the women and the boys). He has no hobbies whatsoever, but he's on-call when we needed him. If he has a hobby in which to mention, it is drinking Tanduay, the love of his life (his mom near 2nd).

Now here are some of the famous Jonasisms:

> Jayabetic (diabetic)
> Ber-El (Bel-Air)
> Miriral (mineral)
> Lamon Libirya (Ramon Revilla)
> Lobin Padirya
> See da tri how bigisgrow, da pren itising bigalow...I lapat er end shi gats mad, da pirs dey dat shi planinit, was jas a twit (See the tree how big it's grown, my friend it hasn't been so long...I laughed at her and she got mad, the first day that she planted it, 'twas just a twig - an old song).
> Yuporya (Euphoria - an old disco joint)
> I lab da girs (I love girls)
> Pledelik (Frederick)
> Pongkard (phone card)
> Karr (Karl)
> Drayber (driver)
> Wareber! (whatever!)
> I res my case (I rest my case)

That's about it. Click here for related audio.

Classic Drinking Session with Jonas (June 1, 2003)



Another Drinking Session: (August 19, 2007)