About Chain Letters

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past few years.

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy because of your concern.

I no longer drink Coca-cola because it can remove toilet stains. I also no longer use cling wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on payphones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. (Amoy Banig)

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get a phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogen they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer eat at McDonald's because they routinely put rats' tails in their all-beef patties and chicken nuggets.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and America Online are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. And in case that fails, I have also passed on my bank account details to a retired army general from Mozambique who is due any day to pass on my share of US$1 million in gold he stole from evil criminals during a war and that can only be accessed with my help.

I will now return the favor....

If you don't pass on this message to at least 1,200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 pm and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. You will also never find true love.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer... ; )